I am mad at myself.
I should carry a notebook and a pen everywhere with me. I should learn to stop and write. I should learn to prioritize, to stop staring off into space and do what needs doing.
During the break, I blogged nonstop. In my head.
I talked about the doubts I'd had as to my sense of self-worth, the white egrets spotting the marshes on the side of the highway, the feeling of floating at the top of a bowl while on a bridge across the bay, the reason why people thought the Earth was flat and you could fall off the edge of the world if you traveled long enough, the screaming high school girls on a crab hunt, the day that I found out that I really was no good at math, the day I realized I actually liked the titles of math books and courses, the color of the cabin walls, the smell of hot waffles, and so much besides.
But I wrote none of it down. I tricked myself into thinking I would do it later, and instead found myself typing out a miserable handful of sentences late into the night while my roommate's television blared inanities.
There are so many things I want to talk about, so many things I want to tell the world. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to you that I am so lazy about writing them down. I owe anyone who reads this blog quality reading material, not last-minute crap whining about something or other.
I'm going to do better. I will. Some way or other, I will find the time to write like I want to, not write to fill a space by the deadline of midnight everyday.
And I'll take this to the rest of my world, too. I've gotten better about deadlines and doing work on time than I was before, but there remains much room for improvement.
There's no time like the present, so I'll get started now.
I should carry a notebook and a pen everywhere with me. I should learn to stop and write. I should learn to prioritize, to stop staring off into space and do what needs doing.
During the break, I blogged nonstop. In my head.
I talked about the doubts I'd had as to my sense of self-worth, the white egrets spotting the marshes on the side of the highway, the feeling of floating at the top of a bowl while on a bridge across the bay, the reason why people thought the Earth was flat and you could fall off the edge of the world if you traveled long enough, the screaming high school girls on a crab hunt, the day that I found out that I really was no good at math, the day I realized I actually liked the titles of math books and courses, the color of the cabin walls, the smell of hot waffles, and so much besides.
But I wrote none of it down. I tricked myself into thinking I would do it later, and instead found myself typing out a miserable handful of sentences late into the night while my roommate's television blared inanities.
There are so many things I want to talk about, so many things I want to tell the world. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to you that I am so lazy about writing them down. I owe anyone who reads this blog quality reading material, not last-minute crap whining about something or other.
I'm going to do better. I will. Some way or other, I will find the time to write like I want to, not write to fill a space by the deadline of midnight everyday.
And I'll take this to the rest of my world, too. I've gotten better about deadlines and doing work on time than I was before, but there remains much room for improvement.
There's no time like the present, so I'll get started now.
2 comments:
That's one thing (or rather two things) that GB and I are never without - a pen and paper. People who only know one of us often laugh when the other, newly met, produces a pen and paper, apparently from nowhere. "Typical", they say, "You can tell you are brothers!"
We have very similar problems. With me, punctuality is perhaps my weakest suit, and the one that I try the most to improve upon.
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