Mud bottom

I feel like pond scum.
You know, the green one that crusts on stuff? Yeah, that.

I've decided to not take my Organic Chemistry exam. I'm just not going to show up.
It's not going to affect my grade. It's going to get dropped, and I will still have a solid B in the class. It will be my only B, and I think it's a decent grade for a class that most people, including the chemical engineering students I hang out with, have trouble with. And also that I'm basically the only freshman in that class. And also since grades tend to be consistent and I've gotten the same exact grades on the past two exams. Which means I'd be likely to get the same grade again were I to take the test. Plus, lots of other people aren't taking it either because they took the last two and don't need the third exam.

But I still feel like scum.

I told the TA about my decision, and he looked brokenhearted. Literally. He looked at me like I was the last hope he has in the world and said "You... you're not taking the test?" And then he did the quiet disappointment thing.

It's the first time in my life I am failing a test on purpose. One of my friends asked me to come in and write my name on it, then turn it in and leave. But I just can't do that. Psychologically, I can't. I feel bad enough not taking it. Maybe I am trying to escape that fact and am trying to justify myself.

So be it.

I feel like scum.