That's it, I'm starting a restaurant.

One of the reasons that I like to cook so much is that I like eating good food (another is that I think I look quite good in an apron, but that's unrelated.)

I have chosen to share some of my most renowned recipes with you. Delicious, (un)healthy, and worthy of the greatest chefs! Really! (Well, maybe not, but pretty close.) (I think so, anyway.)

For today, we'll go with pizza. Oh, not that pizza you get delivered at midnight for parties and movie nights, no sir!, not even the pizza you can get in so-called "restaurants." I'm talking about the real stuff here. The pie of legends. Something that would cost you about $80 to order anywhere and make an Italian chef cry with happiness.

First, you want to get yourself something to make the crust. I prefer to buy a chunk of bread dough/pizza dough from local shops (I recommend Double Dave's or a good bakery), although there exist pre-made crusts (I recommend the Boboli brand) you can buy if you'd rather have less work, and conversely you can make your own should you want to absolutely start from scratch (this is a pretty good recipe.) You should remember, however, that if you make your own dough you should start at least several hours ahead of the time you plan to have your pizza ready.

Then, you want to roll out your dough into the shape of the pan you plan to bake it in. The dough needs to warm up before it will respond to stretching. Lay it out on a layer of parchment paper on top of your pan, and set it aside.

Now for the fun part: garnishing. The only required element is the tomato sauce, although the tomato slices, meat, and mozzarella are highly recommended.

You will need about a cup of tomato sauce per pizza, preferably with olive oil. If your sauce does not have oil, quickly brush the dough with olive oil. Add the sauce, spreading it evenly. The layer should be thin. With a brush, spoon, or whatever implement you can think of, spread the sauce to the very edge (not quite as thickly as in the middle, a simple smudge will do.)

Cut a fist-sized tomato (if you have big fists, that is, if you have either small tomatoes or small fists you will need two or more tomatoes) into thin slices. 'Thin' meaning here that, ideally, you should strive to obtain a width of three molecules per slice.

Cut a small ball or log of fresh mozzarella into slices that look decently sized to you. To slice the mozzarella, use a sharp knife and press down even though it looks like the cheese is being squished. The slice will spring back to its original height after it falls away from your knife. Do not try to saw it, it will make the slices break into small pieces and then you will have to eat them to prevent the aesthetical ruin of your masterpiece.

Wash and cut enough portobello, button, common, table, or cultivated mushroom (Agaricus bisporus for the taxonomically inclined) to have about four handfuls of slices (again, depending on how big your hands are. Well then, make that however much mushroom you can handle/foist upon your tablemates. Bro and Sis hate mushrooms, so I always put a lot because then they give them to me and I get to eat them. I love mushrooms.) Mushrooms shrink, so make the slices only slightly thinner than the mozzarella ones.

Wash and cut/dice bell peppers of various shapes and colors. A bowlful should be enough.

Cut a handful of fresh basil leaves with scissors/shears/whatchumacallems.

Arrange the tomato slices on the bottom layer, then meat (I tend to use thin, smoked Italian meats such as dry coppa, the thinness of the meat makes it blend well with the rest of the toppings without being too voluminous, and its flavor still makes it stand out.) Add the mushrooms, peppers, and a handful of olives (mediterranean style is my favorite) if you want them, then basil, then mozzarella. Sprinkle with whatever spices and herbs you please (such as oregano) and drizzle with a little olive oil. You may also prepare whatever other ingredients strike your fancy. If there are any ingredients you use regularly, share them with me! I love trying out new things, and besides, that's how new recipes are made!

Pop in the oven (260°C, 500°F) for fifteen minutes (more for crunchier crust), then serve immediately.

(Yes, I realize it would be easier with pictures, I'm working on getting a camera so I can share homemade deliciousness, natural beauty, interesting shapes, shiny things, socks, and Science! with you.)

All units of measurement © Mom Dearest's Eyeball-it-o-metric™